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the others

In case you wanted to know:

Evangeline
Phoebe
Levi
Timothy

my first daughter

As long as I have my future wife's consent I think I'm gonna name my first daughter Evangeline after that angelic, beautiful creature in Uncle Tom's Cabin.  She made me cry; a hard thing to do. Such a wonderful, wholesome, good, generous, loving, accepting, inclusive, happy, joyous, touching figure that has had such a profound impact on my life needs to be commemorated in a special way.

I find it very difficult to express my inner self.  What I truly feel.  Of course, you say, "you're a guy. Guys aren't supposed to be in touch with that."  Guess what, I am.  To a certain degree.  And furthermore, a lot of guys are "in touch".  They just hide it under a lot of testosterone and, for some extreme cases, chauvinism.  Yet I, when attempting to express myself, usually botch it up big time and say things that are very different from what I wanted to communicate.  Stuff that gets me in trouble; stuff that raises more questions in the hearer's mind than answers.  So, naturally, it's best to leave certain things unsaid.  Unless you have an especially sympathetic audience; namely, one who has already accepted you for who you are and won't judge you; and then you can get away with a bit more stuff. That is, until you're married, and then you can let it all hang out.

So, I probably won't tell you all the ins and outs of why Evangeline is my number one choice.  But that's prolly because I don't have it all sorted out yet.  But, on the flip side, I don't need to have it sorted out.  It's a nice thing to have a feeling for something that you can't really express in words.  It just is.

the big one

just passed 10,000 hits to this site.  It's about time...  This blog has been up for almost 2 years now.  Of course I haven't posted that much, but still...

I'm happy.  Here's to 10,000 more happier readers!

Not anymore

Okay, I'm sorry.  I really don't know how I write.  I know what I mean, but not everyone else does.  That's the hard part about writing.  I wish it were easier.

This is what I'm gonna do. Stop writing about controversy. Stop talking about all this God stuff.

God loves you.  I love you.  But I don't really know how to say stuff sometimes.

A Better Place

The world is now a better place. 

Slobodan Milosevic is dead.  The non-Serbians, et al. can rest easier tonight knowing that the man responsible for attempting to anihilate their entire people group is gone and can no longer be a threat to their lives. 

I really want to feel no sympathy for someone called "the Butcher of the Balkans".  Even though Christian love calls for me to love my enemies, I find it really hard to even consider his death the loss of a soul to hell.  I want to think that this man lost his soul, or sold it to the Devil, a long time ago.  To think of what he did, for no certain purpose other than hatred, is disgusting. *shiver*

This is where the rubber meets the road, especially for believers who were the target of Milosevic's wrath:  Ought we to love even someone like this?

The bad part about it is that he never was convicted of the crimes he committed against humanity.  But those who lived through his reign of terror can rest assured that he now stands before the Judge of the universe, who shows no partiality or ability to be swayed.  He alone is perfectly just, and He will rule rightly.

Just a few things

I've officially decided...

I'm not going to California this summer.  As much as I want to, I simply cannot afford it.  I've been putting off going to China for two summers already, and I thought California would be more manageable, but alas, no.  Please pray with me as the team will be needing two people now, a guy and a girl.

A byproduct of this is that I can now attend NHCC without as much of a guilty conscience.  I had loose attendence requirements at HP while on the mission team, now there are none.  But the odd feeling in my stomach still remains a bit.  I've been going to HP for nearly two years now, and I have connections there.  Please pray that I'll come to my decision as a result of much time spent in prayer and consulting the Lord in his Word.

Pastor Cruice, in his counsel regarding Cali. and NHCC, also identified my capriciousness.  It's funny, you know.  I'm very analytical when it comes to most decisions: thinking through everything in 20 different ways, overanalyzing things really.  But, when it comes to big financial decisions (the worst choice one has to make) I just whimsically, rashly make my choice.  Maybe it's because I really don't want to address it, so I just quickly make the decision so I don't have to face it anymore.  Yuck, I wish I weren't this way.  I'm working on it, though.

My favorite book of all time is now Uncle Tom's Cabin. I'm at the point now where I can only read a few pages and then I must put the book down and gather my emotions; only then can I continue.  I'm really a sap, aren't I?  Really stupid.  I can't read at school now, because someone may see me getting all choked up.  Dumb.

My favorite hymn of all time is "And Can It Be" by Charles Wesley

And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain—
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

He left His Father’s throne above
So free, so infinite His grace—
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam’s helpless race:
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!

Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.